When you go through the exciting, nerve-wracking, exhilarating and scary parenting journey on your own, there are many beliefs that sneak into your subconscious mind keeping you from being the most energetic and relaxed mom you can be.
It’s easy to fall into the traps of the “can’t-do’s” and “have to’s” when dealing with your child, your finances, your schedules and yourself.
When I decided to separate from my husband and treat my child to a life without fighting and miserable parents, I instantly had a giant list of all the things I wouldn’t be able to do in the near and far future. I thought of all the limitations, all the difficulties and all the obstacles.
Needless to say, this dragged me down and made me feel incapable, small and unworthy.
Until I decided to tell my thoughts to be silent, stop the crap and empower me instead of tear me down.
If you’re caught in the limiting beliefs trap, then here are 4 sentences you absolutely have to erase from your vocabulary. Now.
OK, yes, it is a fact that you are the sole parent, but you sure as heck aren’t alone; unless you choose to.
There are so many people around you who support you, encourage you, and will gladly help you when you feel overwhelmed. All you have to do is look up, reach out and embrace the people in your life.
Instead of focusing on the I’m alone belief, why not delight in the fact that you get to make your own decisions, that you get to create a new family on your own terms, that you get to be the parent you’ve always wanted to be without someone else telling you what to do?
Why not shift the focus from feeling sorry for yourself for being alone to celebrating the fact that you get to do things your own way?
I promise this’ll help you feel less alone and more empowered in a heartbeat.
Feeling incapable, overwhelmed and unworthy is part of being a woman, not just a single mom. But is this really true? Are you incapable of being a parent, being the sole breadwinner and the go-to person for your child? I don’t think so.
In order to turn this thought around, why not make a list of all the things you’ve done right today, last week and maybe even last year? You’ll see that you are incredibly capable and enough.
I can’t is a favorite excuse for most single moms.
I can’t go to the park because I have to work.
I can’t afford this ticket to the movie.
I can’t be at your play because I have to take another shift.
Unfortunately, if you choose to say “I can’t” in every other sentence, you’re taking all the power away from yourself.
So, why not change the “I can’t” to “I choose not to”? Doesn’t this feel better? Doesn’t this return the wheel into your own hands? Doesn’t this make more sense?
It’s true, in the end it’s always our choice to not do something. Let’s own this fact and take responsibility for our choices.
“I have to.”
I have to and I can’t are quite often close buddies. When you can’t, you have to… But this isn’t true either.
You can choose to do something, but you never truly have to.
Now, before you get angry with me, hear me out. In this world, there’s very little we absolutely have to do. Again, we choose to do many things because of comfort, security and simply because we want to. But we could just as well choose not to do these things.
So, the next time you tell your child you have to do something, think twice and instead say, you’re choosing to do it because you feel like this is right.
Changing these sentences in my mind and in my heart made all the difference for me. Today, I feel more confident in being a mom. I feel ready to raise a beautiful and confident child and I feel so much more at peace with myself and my choices.
How about you? Which sentences are causing you heartache and headaches? Share them with us and let’s turn them around, shall we?
Photo Source: Maurizio Di Iorio on Flickr