I have been divorced almost a year. Separated almost two. It has been both a hard experience and a very freeing one.
Free from the stress of a bad relationship.
Free from having to take care of one more person in the household.
Free from the disappointments and breaking of trust that happened routinely in the marriage.
But what also came was the constant questions about my meeting someone new. I was taken aback by so many asking when I was moving on to someone else so quickly. My ex moved out of my house and into his girlfriends house, but I need a little more time.
Like maybe a lifetime. So I say “Single moms don’t dave to Date!” and here are some reasons why.
Single Mom’s Hearts Are Already Taken
I know many moms who have gone on to find another relationship. Their ability to handle someone new and children is amazing. I simply do not have room in my heart for anyone other than my kids right now. Maybe it is because they are little and still need so much from me.
Maybe it is because I am basking in the glow of being able to truly love and parent them the way I want to. Maybe it is because I don’t want them to suffer the loss of another person should it not work out again. But my heart is most certainly taken by my little girls and I just don’t see there being more room for anyone else right now.
Single Moms Are Busy
If you have full custody of your kids like I do and he has visitation, you get 4 days a month to yourself. During Holidays and Summer, I get longer stretches. But for the most part, my kids are here over 80% of the time.
If I am not willing to have a revolving door of men coming and going as I search for some fantastical prince, then I have very little time to develop a relationship anyway. In fact, when my kids are gone I am catching up on chores, work, with my friends and sleeping. My time alone flies by and I find it hard to fit much else in.
Single Moms are Perfectly OK Alone
I thrive as a single mother. It suits my personality. Not once since my ex moved out have I wanted another person in this house with my kids and I. I don’t get ‘lonely’ because I have no time to be. I do work from home so it can get old not speaking to adults all day. But I have my friends and my family to talk to when I get to where I need to use multiple-syllable words!
Many single moms I know are perfectly capable handling their households, bills, activities and everything else. They don’t need a +1 and not having one seems to be a non issue.
Single Motherhood is Not a Bad Thing
I think there is a misconception that single motherhood is not OK. That everyone needs somebody in order to be happy. I find that attitude to be very 1950’s and can honestly say that single motherhood is perfectly fine the way it is. I have a friend who raised her son alone from the age of 2.
He is now married with a 2 year old of his own. She dated later, but pretty much gave her all to her motherhood. She never complained, never asked for more, never said she wished she had someone to help her out. She is an amazing woman and she raised an amazing son. Being single is like anything else. A status. It is just the way it is for me and the way I prefer to keep it. And there is nothing wrong with that!
Single moms have enough to deal with – as do all moms – without the constant questions about another in their lives. So if you have a single mom friend, don’t as when she will date. Ask how her day is and if there is anything you can do to help!