Having been through it, there may be no harder transition in life than moving from a married parent to a single parent. One of the hardest parts is healing from a divorce and your own pain and dealing with your children too.
Even if you are the one making the decision to end the marriage – like I did – the massive loss of the fairy tale family life is one that can be hard to absorb. A few years later I wish I had done some things differently. But I also think I would change nothing.
As a human being with a heart, a mind and emotions on my sleeve at all times, I can look back and say I did the best I could. But I also stuck to a strong mindset about the reality of the situation. I thought I would share some of the things I did to heal and parent at the same time.
I let myself cry when my kids did. I think as parents, we feel like we have to always have this facade of strength around our children. There is a mindset that showing vulnerability in front of them can lead them to think they are not in a stable environment. I could not disagree more! When my kids asked why… how… and when, I told them the truth in their young child language. When tears fell from their eyes at the uncertainty of the change, I let my tears fall too. I did not hold them in. I wanted my kids to know that I felt pain over the situation too and that it is OK to hurt and to be sad. And then I hugged them tight and told them that, together, we would get through it. As one family working together. [Read more…]