Last Updated on March 2, 2023 by Anne-Sophie Reinhardt
You’re done with your relationship, but you waited too long to have the “I want a divorce” conversation. It’s one of the most difficult conversations you will ever have. This article will give you some tips (including writing divorce letters) on how to inform your husband that you are ending your domestic or marital relationship. Reading this will not make it worse.
It is best to give the letter in person. Do it in person, regardless of what you do. It is okay to tell them straight up. This is your decision, so own it. Tell them honestly, openly, and if you can, with kindness.
What You Should Remember When Writing Divorce Letters To Your Husband
You need to make sure that the children are not living with you. Even if you are ready for this divorce, it will take time to process the emotions and tell your spouse that you don’t want it. This is just one of the many steps that will bring about finality. It’s emotional. This will affect your spouse. Send your children to a weekend or night away.
Be as direct as possible and as compassionate as you can. Tell your spouse as clearly and simply as possible. It’s also acceptable to tell them you are not interested in discussing details. To avoid an emotional mess, it might be a good idea for you to go and spend the night somewhere else. Both of you will likely be happier about it.
Do not make threats of taking your spouse’s money or giving up on the children. Fear will only create fear and set the stage for a costly and emotionally draining war. This is a common mistake I see in couples at the beginning of their divorce proceedings. Don’t use the “I” statements. Only say what you believe and feel.
You must ensure your safety. Someone should always accompany you if you are likely to be confronted with anger or violence. It might be a good idea to notify the police and have them patrol the area. You can have them stand at the front door while you talk to your spouse privately. Then they will immediately depart.
Divorce Letter Writing Tips
Here are some tips for writing a letter of support to your spouse or partner in difficult times in your relationship.
- Start by writing about the things you want to convey to your husband/partner.
- Give yourself time to reflect on what you have written, and then go to bed.
- Look through your writing and highlight or underline those points you feel are most important.
- Anything that is hurtful (name-calling or blaming, for example) should be removed. Anything that could be misinterpreted.
- Make a rough draft and add supportive words or words to show appreciation, depending on the situation.
- If possible, take a restful night and try to sleep on it.
- Refine your letter once more.
- If possible, hand write your letter. Handwritten letters feel more personal and meaningful than email.