Last Updated on September 1, 2023 by Lori Pace
It is not clear how you got into this affair, and it is even more difficult to know how to end it. You love your partner but don’t like cheating or sneaking. There’s a feeling of being in a limbo between giving up on the affair or giving your all to it. You may feel intense emotions for your partner, but deep inside, there is a whisper that says it won’t be. So, ending this affair is the best way to get out of it!
Although you tried to end the affair several times, your willpower waned and your emotions pulled you back every time. You felt responsible for your partner; you feared they would lose their home, get sick, or be destroyed if you left. Sometimes you worry that your lover might be so upset that they would ruin your reputation, family, finances, or reputation. You wanted to do the right things, but it was too hard emotionally, mentally and physically.
Three Possible Paths For Ending An Affair
There are many paths and possibilities in a person’s life. Your future may only have one of these possibilities.
Someone Else Makes the Decision
Indecisiveness can lead to inaction. But eventually something will happen. Sometimes affairs can go on for years but this is very rare and they don’t last forever. Your affair is most likely to be discovered.
You will not be able to control what happens next when that happens. If you’re married or your lover is married to someone, the hurt spouses will take control. Friends, family, and acquaintances then will join the fray with their opinions about what you did and what should be done.
Although you might believe it would be better to have that happen, it won’t. Your reputation, wealth, friends, family, and self-respect could all be lost. Facing angry spouses flanked by modern-day-gladiators, who we call lawyers, is a very unpleasant and expensive experience, financially and emotionally.
It is easy to believe that those who love you now would love you as much if you had an affair. Be prepared to be disappointed.
You Commit to Your Lover
An affair is illegal if it involves a breach of an existing relationship. To end your relationship with your partner to have an affair is to abandon your commitments and promises to your partner. Or, your lover may be betraying their commitments and promises to their partner.
You can change the nature and character of your relationship with others if they are part of the ending of your relationship. You may be a parent but not in the same way you were when you lived with your spouse and your children.
It’s possible that you may still be close to your in-laws but they won’t be your family. You may still enjoy your mutual friends but those who feel they must support your partner over you will never be the same again.
Ending the Affair
Living in accordance with your values and beliefs is a great way to find fulfillment. It’s not always easy. It can be quite difficult, but the rewards are worth it.
You wouldn’t read this article if you truly believed that your relationship is right and that you are best mates. You are likely reading this article because you desire peace. Peace in all areas of your being, including your heart, mind, and spirit. Peace that comes from knowing who you are and being true to yourself.
Although it may be difficult to think about whether you should stay in your current relationship or marriage, the majority of this has to do with having your past rewritten. Almost everyone involved in an affair has.
You may be able to save your marriage and current relationship if you end the affair right away. It’s not just about saving it. It’s also about making it better. You wouldn’t have entered an affair if it was perfect. You can overcome it and create a relationship that is better than you could ever imagine.
Ending An Affair: Steps For You
1. Make a firm decision that you ARE ending this affair.
Tell anyone you trust what you’re doing and how you plan to end it. They can be your supporter, your encouragement and, if needed, your courage.
2. Ending the affair NOW.
Do not delay it because of a special occasion, finding a better relationship, or other reasons. Hesitation devastates. Get moving now.
3. Tell the lover that it is over.
No matter if you are writing a letter or face-to-face, please do not enter into explanations. Talk it over with your partner. Don’t express your love, loyalty, or longing. Do it quickly, without discussion, and make sure you get to the point. If necessary, sound harsh.
Any other approach could make your lover believe you’ll change your mind. This is the worst thing you can do. Stop it fast and abruptly, and end all contact. This is an act of love and caring.
4. Tell your current partner that you have been unfaithful, that it is over, and that you wish to make your relationship work.
This is sometimes not the best decision, but it is most of the time. These are the criteria that will help you make a decision:
- If your partner ever asked about your affair, confess that you lied.
- If your partner is interested in your affair, tell them. It will hurt more to hear it from your partner than it will from you.
- If you feel that you are preventing your partner from becoming closer, you should tell them. You can tell your partner if you feel guilt, shame, regret, fear or anger. They also have the right to know why it exists.
5. Make sure that you have no further contact with your former lover.
If your question is “How do I end an affair?” This might be the hardest part of the answer. Make it difficult for you two to communicate. Change your cell phone number. Removing Facebook friends. Change email addresses and change jobs if necessary
Change cities in extreme circumstances. More involvement will likely result from further contact. It is a terrible thing for everyone. Once you’ve made the right decision to do the right things, don’t allow yourself to be in any position to hurt another person again. You don’t want to harm your partner, spouse, children, family or former lover. They may still not get over you, but you must make a decision and do what best for everyone.
6. Seek the right help to better your current relationship.
If your marriage was perfect, it is unlikely that you would have an affair. This is not to blame your spouse. There is no need to blame. There are weaknesses that need attention. You can seek out a counselor, mentor couple, or a workshop that will support you both.
- Learn how this happened.
- Repair your relationship.
- Facilitate forgiveness.
- Together, create a great future.
7. Help rescue others who are in affairs.
You will be able to help other couples who are struggling to end an affair or heal their marriage. They will find you automatically, so you don’t have to search for them. Guide them to make the right decision, and follow the correct steps.