Surviving a lonely pregnancy might be the hardest thing you’ve done in your life so far. And I’m sure you’ve done plenty of tricky things. The only difference is that everyone has an opinion about your struggles this time.
“You have NO idea how much work this is going to be.”
“Gosh, when I think back to the difficulties of combining work and having a daughter as a couple, I can’t even imagine how you’re going to manage all this alone.”
Do any of these sentences sound familiar to you? They sure do to me. In the last five months, I’ve heard these concerns a billion times. I know they come from a caring place, but still, they always sting. After all, there are so many fears you already harbor as a single-mom-to-be.
You have the financial worries, the time management scares, the thoughts and fears of whether you’re going to be good enough for the child or if your child will miss something or someone, to name a few. You don’t need to hear motherhood’s challenges to be aware of all the challenges ahead of you.
It’s easy to let these comments get to you and cause you sleepless nights, even when they mean well. Luckily there are better ways to deal with your lonely pregnancy and fears of becoming a single mom.
How to Deal With Fears and a Lonely Pregnancy
1. Realize your child won’t know the difference
One of my biggest fears is the thought that my child will miss something. Maybe my kid will be unhappy because they don’t know their father – even worse, what if my child blames me?
This thought used to paralyze me and doubt my capabilities, worth and value as a person, and the future I’ll have with my child.
Then, one day, a good friend of mine told me this: “Your baby won’t know the difference. They’ll know YOU, be familiar with your unique family situation, and that’s that. Later there will be some questions you need to answer, but if you’re a loving, caring parent, you’re all your baby truly needs.”
I like to think that the two of us will be just fine whatever happens.
2. Start a journaling ritual
One of the best ways to deal with your fears is to write about them – being brutally honest and outspoken.
Creating a regular journaling ritual will give you the mental space to purge all your worries on a piece of paper. Believe me, after writing down what bothers you, what scares you, and what paralyzes you; you will feel relieved and ready to live your life confidently and upbeat again.
3. Create your tribe
Having a tribe of supportive and loving people who get you and know what you’re going through is irreplaceable. So, if you are not already surrounded by people who uplift you and care for you, go out and find them.
Spend time with the ones that make you laugh, dry your tears and listen to your fears. Get rid of the naysayers, the worries, and the fear-enablers.
Even if you feel like isolating yourself, don’t do it. Be proactive and meet a friend for a cup of coffee, a glass of water, a stroll in the park. It makes all the difference to avoid a lonely pregnancy, I promise.
4. Embrace your emotions
Some of us think that having emotions is terrible, that crying is weak, that sadness is a fault. Well, it’s not.
We have our emotions for a reason, so allow yourself to embrace them, feel them, and don’t push them aside.
However, it’s also essential that you don’t indulge in them for days, weeks, or even months. Instead, sit with your times of sadness and fear when you feel it’s necessary. Break down when you need to, but then get back up, dust yourself off, and don your positive pants.
You’re doing great.
5. Create your mantra
When I found out that I was pregnant – mere two days after I separated from my husband, I was so scared. I thought this was going to be the world’s most lonely pregnancy. My head was spinning with questions:
- What would I do?
- How would I manage?
- Will all of this work out?
After the initial bout of desperation, I created a mantra that has helped me through the last five months.
“It’ll all work out.”
It sounds simple, but whenever I’m scared, I say these words over and over and over again. They feel healing, comforting, and authentic. It will all work out; I will raise the baby, I am strong enough and capable.
I love to use another mantra: “I am safe.” I am safe, no matter what happens, no matter what’s ahead of me. I am safe. What words speak to your heart? Find them and create your single-mom-to-be mantra.
6. Give yourself space to dream
Dreaming is my favorite practice and the one I use the most. When I’m scared or hear words of advice that are anything but helpful, I begin to dream of the life I get to create with my little bug. I get to shape the early years of a human being – what a privilege. I get to conceive my kind of family – what a blessing.
I dream of the things I’ll teach the little one, the fun we’ll have together, the stories I’ll tell, and the rituals we’ll create. No matter what negative thought I’ve had, this always brings me back to the joys of motherhood.
Here’s the thing:
Being a single mom might seem harder than having a partner with you every step of the way. Yes, it’ll be stressful and sometimes scary. There’ll be moments where you don’t know what to do.
But the great thing is every parent experiences these moments: single or not.
So, don’t worry about the future and instead focus on the present. You are growing a human being, and you’ll soon get to know them. Isn’t that a gift worth celebrating?
You and your little bug will soon be a team, and you will be a great mom. Just have a tiny bit of faith in yourself.