single moms afraid of love

How To Know If You’re Afraid of Love

Last Updated on August 1, 2022 by Anne-Sophie Reinhardt

Although most people say they want to love, almost everyone has some fear about intimacy. They are afraid of falling in love.

Based on your personal history, there are many reasons why you are afraid of love:

  • It can be the attachment patterns that you have developed
  • The psychological defenses that we have built to protect ourselves against early traumas
  • You are single mom and you have experienced such disappointment of love
  • Or, the type and extent of the fear we experience can differ.

These defenses and patterns can hold us back, or even ruin our relationships. It’s important to remember, however, that our fears are real.

Our childhood attachments are a model for how we want relationships to work in our adult lives. This can cause us to be self-protective because of the way these early relationships went. Although we may believe we desire love and connection, deep down we are unable to let go of our fear of re-experiencing painful emotions and stirring up new ones. 

How To Know If You’re Afraid of Love

Your Actions Don’t Match Your Intentions when You are Afraid to Fall in Love

Some people are aware of their anxiety about relationships and may be conscious of their tendency to withdraw from commitment or connection. It may be subtler for others. It may seem like they are trying to achieve closeness, but their actions lead to the opposite. This confusion can lead to confusion. It is important to first reflect on how closely what we believe we want aligns with our behavior.

Pseudo-independence afraid of love
Pseudo-independence is also a sign that you, or the other person, are afraid of love!

Each Person’s Relationship Will Create Distance Differently

This is often due to their attachment history. An attachment pattern that is dismissive and avoidant may lead to a person being distant from their partner, or even their romantic partner. They are often pseudo-independent and tend to take care of themselves. But they find it difficult to connect with their partner and feel empathy for their needs and wants. 

They might avoid being too close to their partner and may resent the fact that they depend on them. If their partner expresses frustration at not getting enough from them, the avoidantly attached person might pull away more and feel put off by their partner’s “neediness.”

Someone With a Preoccupied Attachment Style May Feel The Opposite

They might need their partner’s attention. These people may feel insecure, anxious, worried, paranoid or suspicious in their relationships. Although they may believe they are looking for closeness with their partner they might actually be more controlling and clingy, which can lead to their partner leaving.

Fearful-Avoidant Attachment Patterns 

They may withdraw if things get too close. However, if they feel their partner is losing control, they might become anxious and clingy.

avoid attachment patterns
You always avoid attachment patterns!

Knowing your attachment history can give us a lot of insight into our patterns and help us understand our behavior. It’s important to recognize the times when our actions are not in line with our expectations. Are we saying we want to be away with our partner and then spending all our time planning instead of living in the moment.

Complaining About Inability to Get Alone Time

Are you able to say that you want to meet someone? But then come up with reasons to not date everyone we meet? Are you willing to share your vulnerability? But end up making fun of your partners? Are you able to say that you love your partner but not take the time and ask them about themselves? These actions may be counterproductive and could indicate that we are afraid to show vulnerability or get too close.

You Become Hypercritical of Your Partner or Potential Partners

After a while, one of the most common complaints from couples is losing the spark or feeling less excited about each other. This is due to our defense system. The feeling of being closer to someone is more dangerous. When things get more serious, we begin to distance ourselves by observing and thinking less of our partner.

All Of Us Are Human, And All Of Us Have Flaws

However, the way we begin to focus on the faults of our partner and become critical is often a result of our fear of closeness. The “critical inner voice”, which is our internal defense system, can tear us down and lead to self-limiting behaviors. This “voice” may also be focused on our partner. “He’s always so distracted. It may be that he is clearly bored of you. She doesn’t clean up after herself, even when you ask her. It may be that she doesn’t care how you feel.

Listening More To Your Inner Critic

If our minds fill up with thoughts about our partner’s faults, making a case against them, and over-analyzing their actions, then we could be falling prey to our inner critic and letting it drive the car. It is important to separate our inner critic from our true self and take a more compassionate and vulnerable attitude towards our partner and ourselves.

When You are Afraid of Love, Your Feelings Suddenly Shift

Your Feelings Suddenly Shift
Your feelings shift!

These often subconscious fears can make it difficult to find the sweet spot of love and acceptance for someone or something for a long time. Sometimes, our feelings may shift suddenly. We may find our emotions suddenly shifting. One moment we are on a date, laughing and feeling excited, and the next day we are second-guessing ourselves and trying to get rid of our feelings. Sometimes, a voice in our heads may say, “She’s too in love with you.” She shouldn’t be led on.” Or “He isn’t really that attractive.” He is not your type.”

Questioning About Whether You Want What You Wanted In The First Place

What we have said we want suddenly becomes a question when we get it. Our reaction to the closeness of a relationship by getting angry or doing things that make us feel less vulnerable. We are often unaware of our lower tolerance for feeling loved and loved. This is often due to the fact that being in a relationship with someone else can also cause us to feel the loss of our past love and the pain of it not happening again.

It is good to know that we can learn more about our fears of intimacy and challenge the behaviors it encourages. This will allow us to grow and improve our relationships. It is possible to increase our ability to love and give. We can also enjoy the connection and closeness we desire.

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