Last Updated on September 12, 2023 by Lori Pace
What can you say to an indifferent daughter? You have become so afraid of talking to her lately that she pushes all your buttons. You did not find any tips on how to deal with grown children who disrespect parents in your parenting books. Here you are dealing with a child who refuses responsibility and who constantly tries to exploit you. One way we will also mention in this post is how to write letter to daughter who is disrespectful. We think many moms might want to consider this as a soft way to deal with the situation.
How Do You Deal With A Disrespectful Grown Daughter?
How can you communicate with a disrespectful daughter who uses your past mistakes against yourself every chance she has? What can you do to get her not to blame you for all the problems in her life, and instead take responsibility for her actions (or lack thereof).
You thought you could breathe easier once she left the house. But then it hit you: She’s actually given you more to worry about.
You are likely to recognize some of these behaviors:
- She will call you at odd hours and expect you to do everything in your power to help her.
- You can come by and use the laundry facilities or eat your food, without having to ask.
- Because she has spent her entire savings on “things that I need”, she asked for money.
- To guilt you into giving her what he wants, it is a good idea to revisit past mistakes.
- To make your family members take sides against you, she will belittle you.
- Stealing or misusing your property, and then lying about it when caught.
- You are frozen to death, and she will only reach out when you want something.
Writing A Letter To A Disrespectful Daughter
These questions can be answered by following the steps:
- What should you be focusing on?
- What should you be saying and how should it be said?
- What are your goals in relation to?
- What can you do to achieve them?
- What can you expect her to do?
- Do you need to send the letter?
These are guidelines for writing letters to daughters that disrespect their mothers. It can also help other mothers if it helps.
Choose A Disrespectful Behavior Of Your Daughter That You Want To Address In A Letter
Your daughter should read the entire letter. Do not try to cover all the points in one go. Consider what behaviors need to be changed immediately.
- Phone calls in the early hours of the morning or late at night (non-emergency).
- Unannounced visitors to your home unannounced to wash clothes, eat food, etc.
- They may steal your money or guilt you into giving them money.
- You will be her babysitter, free of charge, and without any regard to your plans
- You slandering your face and behind your back
Consider what you find most concerning about her behavior, and why. This is what you will write about in your letter.
Make It Clear That You Want To Help Her
How can you support your daughter while making it clear that you love and care about her? You’re not cutting your daughter out of your life.
Your support should only result in the best results. You want her to grow up and be the responsible woman that you know she can become. What will you do if she attacks you because you aren’t doing what she wants? What is it that she wants from you?
Step Into Your Daughter’s Shoes
Sometimes, the best way to tell your daughter what to write or say is to put yourself in her shoes and see your situation through her eyes. What does she see in your relationship? What makes her see your relationship this way?
To understand her hostility and disrespect, you can empathize. You will be able to communicate with her better if you have a good understanding of her.
Take Responsibility For Your Actions — Not Your Daughter’s.
You shouldn’t be responsible for your daughter’s rude behavior. Your mistakes as a parent are not excuses for your daughter’s disrespectful behavior. She might be trying to hold you responsible for something and justify her actions by pointing out something you did or said which hurt or offended.
You must take full responsibility for your actions. She is responsible for her behavior towards her father and siblings. No matter what others may have said or done, it is impossible to make her disrespectful.
Define Your Terms. What Does It Mean To Be Disrespectful?
What does “disrespect” mean to you? Compare it to what respectable behavior looks like. Define your terms to be able to clearly communicate to her what you see, and what you desire.
You want to have a mutually respectful relationship with her. You are not only asking for respect because she is the parent. Make her understand that you are not requesting complete submission. You want her to treat other people (and you) in the same way that she treats you.
Tell Her The Goals You Have Between Your Relationship
A relationship can go both ways. What are your expectations of yourself and your daughter about this? Do they align with your daughter? What do you envision your relationship being like in a year? Tell her about what you envision in your relationship to look like and how you plan to achieve that.
Ask her about her goals. What does she see for your relationship in a year? And what is her vision of it? Are you looking for the same things?
Figure Out How To Give Your Disrespectful Daughter The Letter
It is normal to be concerned about your daughter’s reaction to your actions, especially if she threatens to harm herself if your rules are not followed or you fail to comply with her wishes. After you’ve finished your letter, you can decide if she needs it. Then you will need to decide how to get it to her by mail or in person.
Your daughter should be able to contact you at a time that suits her. You should set reasonable contact times throughout the day. No phone calls at night to complain or vent.