“I am a Single Mom.” When we say those words, we are immediately judged, looked down upon and stereotyped, all within a matter of seconds and in many cases, immediately treated differently.
I’ve had women say, “Oh, I’m sorry,” as if to offer their condolences for a death in the family. It amazes me that an apology would be the response for stating that I am a single mom. I’m not sure what exactly they’re sorry about but if you are reading this and have offered your condolences to a woman who states that she is a single mom, you should be ashamed of yourselves.
When I sit back and ponder that entire situation, I have to believe that people believe the myths associated with single mothers, thus, they want to feel sorry for us. Just turn on the television and if you have never personally known a single mother, you can see us being portrayed on varies scripted and reality shows and it is not always a true representative of who we are.
I interview single moms all the time and I always ask the question, “Do you think that people look down on single moms?” The answer has been an overwhelmingly, “Yes!”
Here are a few of those myths about single moms and the truth…
Myth #1: Single Moms are Sexually Irresponsible
Single moms don’t have protected sex, which results in children born out of wedlock.
Just because a woman is a single mother does not mean that she was sexually irresponsible. There are many women who are now single mothers because of divorce, their spouse passed away or because a long-term relationship ended, not because of a drunken night of unprotected sex.
Myth #2: Single Moms are Looking for a Hand Out
Single moms need the government to help them care for their children. They are always looking for someone to “give them” something because they are “single moms” and need help.
Not all single mothers are poverty-stricken, welfare recipients. Many single mothers have great jobs and are not in need of a handout nor are they looking for a man to take care of them and their children.
It also needs to taken into account that there are women who are career driven and are very well off, who made the decision to do the entire parenting thing alone because they have sacrificed love for career. These women are single moms who have the financial means to care for a child alone and don’t need anyone else’s help.
Myth #3: Single Moms Date with the Agenda to Find Someone to be a Father to their Kids
Single moms are dating to find someone to help them with their children and to eventually find them a “new” dad.
Now this one came as a surprise to me because there are many men who believe this to be true. There are many men who will not date a single mother because he thinks that he will end up being an instant dad.
Here’s the thing, single moms date just like any other women, because we want to go out and have a good time, as well as to meet a possible mate. We aren’t different.
However, men should realize that many single mothers are very protective of their children so you will probably not be meeting her children until she is sure that you are worthy of her taking things to the next level and introducing you to her kids. Plus, just because a woman is a single mom does not mean that the fathers aren’t involved. The kids already have a father, we are not trying to make you one.
Myth #4: Single Moms are Easy
Single moms have sex with any and every one.
Because a women has children doesn’t mean that she is willing to have casual sex or that she is so desperate to be with a man that she will have sex with any man who shows her a little attention.
Myth #5: Single Moms are Too Busy to Spend Time with their Children
Single moms are too busy to parent their children, thus the children of single moms are unsupervised and out of control.
Yes, single moms are very busy. There isn’t anyone to share the responsibilities with on a day to day bases, so we do have to juggle a lot and be sure not to drop any of the balls in the process, however, we are NEVER too busy for our children.
Single mothers are often times very strict on their children because they understand that the world is not a safe place and many single moms have dealt with a lot of real life situations that are not always fair and they teach their children about life at an early age.
Myth #6: Single Moms are Bad Role Models
Single Moms are not a good representative of what a mother should be because of all the “myths” that we just discussed.
Single Moms are no different than any other moms and there are many “bad” mom role models who happen to be married. Every mom makes mistakes and the way that a woman becomes a single mom may have not been the best decision in some cases but as long as she is honest with her children and strives to be the best mom that she can be, she will be a great role model for her kids.
What other myths have you heard about single moms?
Photo Credits: kmb.com, m.metro.us