Last Updated on August 31, 2023 by Lori Pace
Although there aren’t any definitive studies on the divorce rate, it is known that many spouses of narcissists can’t bear to wait another second. This often happens after many years, sometimes 20-30. The narcissist usually has the next spouse in their sights, regardless of whether they are aware. The narcissist may have regrets about their life and the divorce (if any), but not as much as you might think.
How can a narcissist ever regret divorcing someone they love? They don’t regret losing you. In fact, they are just dumping you for the next supply. They are so envious of you that they don’t see the end of their relationship. They do regret losing a good supply of supply, appearing good in public, having the financial burden of supporting their family, and much more.
Why The Narcissist Has No Regrets For Divorce?
They don’t view you as a person but what they see is that you’re not bowing to them. You say no to their demands for you to jump. You set boundaries to protect yourself against their manipulation and control. This prevents them from getting what they “need”.
The narcissist does not regret your loss of companionship. They are also very angry that you put them in this position because you exposed them for their lies. They won’t get you to do what is required.
These narcissists fear that their spouses or children will reveal their lack of control and will be shamed. They will feel more anger and shame, which will lead to more control. They will spiral out of control until they become a mad, maniacal lunatic you and your family must avoid.
What The Narcissist Regrets About Divorce?
The narcissist may regret divorcing, for many reasons. Let’s look at some of the most important ones (though I am sure you could add more from your own experience to this list).
Not Having Someone Who They Will Order Around
First, you’re not jumping when he gives an order. He may have a lot of supplies, but he cannot command her to do his bidding in the love-bombing phase.
Not having their children to do their grunt work
Narcissists may treat their children as personal slaves. Your narcissist ex-spouse won’t have people do what they should be doing in the house. He/She will no longer have any children to order around. And this will upset him/her very much.
Sad That They Will Have To Spend A Lot Of Money
It still places the spouse and children in a difficult situation, despite how much it costs them. He/she may take all your assets, the family home and all the money. Your credit score would be destroyed if you don’t stay to fight the court cases.
Your narcissistic ex-spouse will nonetheless, still brag about how a great father/mother he/she is. And tell people that he/she can’t understand why you would ever leave him/her.
Knowing That The Public Saw That Things Weren’t Perfect In Their Home
They fear that they will not be able to control their family and household. They feel ashamed that they are not considered the “best” because they see control as an essential part of being “best”.
Being Called Out For Their Bad Behavior
Counselors, judges, lawyers, mediators, church leaders, and other professionals will tell your ex the truth. Instead of listening and trying to heal, however, he/she will continue to go off the rails. He/She could become so angry at the public’s outbursts, anger and dishonesty that he/she loses his control.
They regret being caught, but only because they were discovered and not because they feel guilty about the things they did. They must appear like they are winning. Divorce certainly doesn’t look like winning.
How To Work Through Your Own Regrets In Divorce With A Narcissist?
There are certain regrets you may have about your marriage. The red flags you thought were hidden suddenly become obvious. These red flags are now obvious.
You are guilty of not having compassion and not expecting perfection. Being forgiving of what happened right from the beginning. For loving them and believing for many years that they would one day see the love you have for them. But instead of things getting better, they got worse.
During this time, your mind can play tricks on you. You can’t ever regret having married your narcissist. There were many good things that happened between you and your ex-spouse. The best way to get over the regrets of marrying a narcissist, is to recognize that not everything is black and white. To let anger turn to long-distance compassion.
Move on and heal for yourself and your children. Do not sit on regret any longer than necessary. It’s okay to feel it. Then, deal with it and move on. You should vent to friends and counselors if you feel the need.