signs of controlling boyfriend

Signs You Have A Controlling Boyfriend

Last Updated on August 1, 2022 by Anne-Sophie Reinhardt

It can be difficult to tell the difference between true love and a controlling relationship. Controlling partners can often be romanticized at the beginning of a relationship. While chivalry may not be dead, all the “sweet” moments that he spends worrying about you could indicate that he is trying to control your behavior. It’s crucial to keep your eyes open for signs that something you find annoying could turn your relationship into an abusive one. This is much more difficult (and potentially dangerous) than trying to escape. Here are signs you should look for if you suspect you have a controlling boyfriend.

Signs of A Controlling Boyfriend

You’re suddenly being isolated from friends and family

Every relationship requires time commitments and you may need to adjust your priorities. Perhaps you don’t want to spend weekends brunching and binging on Vanderpump Rules while your girls are at work, or weeknights glued to the computer. If your boyfriend is controlling, he might not only be against you spending time with other important people in the family, but may even try to make you feel bad. 

Then, as time passes by, you’ll begin to notice that you don’t have many other people to talk to. A controlling partner doesn’t like the idea (or the fact) that he cannot meet all your needs. You may be facing a problem if you stop calling your college BFF for advice and venting because you feel that he should be your only source of support. 

You’re apologizing all the time

You’re apologizing all the time

You find yourself saying “sorry” all the time, even though it’s not clear what you did wrong. You even feel the need to say sorry even if you’re not sure what you’re apologizing for. A controlling partner, narcissist in this case, will often try to take all the power in a relationship and make you feel bad. 

You’re hiding innocent things from him

Imagine that you have an idea for a happy hour at work, or meet up with a friend. You get distracted by catching up. Are you conscious about not telling your partner? If you keep a lot of secrets out of fear of judgment or his response, it could be a sign that he is controlling.

One of Signs That You Have A Controlling Boyfriend When His Love Is Conditional

Him saying “I will only love you if,” or “You’re going away if” is alarming. This type of controlling can be described as “I love you if you get a job” or “You’ll be more attractive to me if you lose weight or change your hair color.” This can make women feel rejected or unworthy of love.

He thinks he’s always right

You might believe you have hit the jackpot if your boyfriend is charming, confident, and persuasive. These are all excellent career skills and part of what makes your boyfriend attractive. However, they could also make him a controlling partner. Your partner may say things like “having male friendships is disrespectful to our relationships” and you believe it. 

He treats you more like a child than an equal

You couldn’t leave your home in a short skirt, or after midnight, if you lived with your parents. Although it wasn’t always easy, that’s what parents were for. However, your partner should treat you as a friend.

It is not acceptable to have rules or restrictions about what you wear, with whom you hang out, what you eat or how you spend your time. This is a form of extreme protection and possession which can be seen as flattering but also very harmful.

He keeps scores are one of the signs you have a controlling boyfriend

Is it possible for your BF to not forgive you for canceling plans then telling a friend about something? This is unfair and could be controlling. Little interactions can make it feel like you owe them something. However, you should remember that you don’t owe him anything/.

You have zero privacy

zero privacy
You are not allowed to have privacy!

If he insists on seeing sensitive or irrelevant information such as your text messages history, bank statements and work computer, be aware. Controlling partners can “maintain this level of control” by being transparent about their lives.

He criticizes the most mundane things

Do you remember thinking that making the bed was not a good idea? But now even these seemingly insignificant tasks are under scrutiny by your partner. This sounds like a controlling relationship. It is difficult to know when you are in it.

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