When you go through the strange and scary transition from a two-parent to a single-parent family, you need all the advice you can get. Mostly because so many ancient beliefs start sneaking into your subconscious mind and keep you from being the best and most positive mom you can be.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of daily struggles and to-do lists when dealing with your children, your finances, your daily schedules, and the hardest of all – yourself.
When I decided to separate from my husband and treat my child to a life without fighting and miserable parents, I immediately had a list of all the things I wouldn’t be able to do for myself or provide for my kid. I thought of all the limitations, the difficulties, and obstacles.
Single-Parent Family Advice I Needed To Hear
All of this negativity dragged me down and made me feel incapable, small, and unworthy. After more time than I care to admit, I told myself to move on, willed my thoughts to be silent, stopped the self-pitying, and started empowering myself instead of tearing myself down.
If you are in the limiting beliefs trap, here are four pieces of single-parent family advice you might also need to hear.
You are Not Alone.
Yes, it is a fact that you are the sole parent, but you sure as heck aren’t alone unless you choose to be.
There are so many people around you who support you, encourage you, and will gladly help you when you feel overwhelmed. All you have to do is look up, reach out and embrace the people in your life.
Instead of focusing on your loneliness, why not delight in the fact that you get to make your own decisions and that you get to create a new family on your terms? You get to be the parent you’ve always wanted to be without someone else telling you what to do – how amazing for you!
Why not shift the focus from feeling sorry for yourself for being alone to celebrating the fact that you get to do things your way?
I promise that’ll help you feel less alone and more empowered in a heartbeat. If you feel like you have no support and can’t go on like this, read more here or join one of these support groups near you.
You are Capable.
Single motherhood is no joke, and feeling incapable, overwhelmed, and unworthy is part of being a woman, not just a single mom. But is this true? Are you incapable of being a parent, being the sole breadwinner, and the go-to person for your child? I don’t think so.
To turn this thought around, why not make a list of all the things you’ve done right today, last week, and maybe even last year? You’ll see that you are competent and enough.
Yes, you CAN.
I can’t – this used to be my favorite excuse.
I can’t – I’m too busy, too tired, too stressed, too financially unstable, too unlucky, too anything.
Unfortunately, if you choose to say “I can’t” in every other sentence, you’re taking all the power away from yourself. You absolutely can, and you absolutely should.
So, why not change the “I can’t” to “I choose not to”? Doesn’t this feel better? It certainly puts the ball back in your court and puts the wheel into your own hands. Feels great.
It’s true, in the end, it’s always our choice not to do something. Let’s own this fact and take responsibility for our choices.
You don’t HAVE to do anything.
I have to, and I can’t are quite often close buddies. When you can’t, you have to. But this isn’t true either.
You can choose to do something, but you never truly have to.
Now, before you get angry with me, hear me out. In this world, there’s very little we have to do. Again, we choose to do many things because of comfort, security, and simply because we want to. But we could just as well decide not to do these things.
The next time you tell your child you have to do something, think twice and instead say, you’re choosing to do it because you feel like this is right.
Changing these sentences in my mind and my heart made all the difference. Today, I feel more confident in being a mom. I feel ready to raise a beautiful and confident child, and I feel so much more at peace with myself and my choices.
How about you? Which sentences are causing you heartache and headaches? Share them with us, and let’s turn them around, shall we?