Last Updated on September 1, 2023 by Lori Pace
Narcissistic mothers can be manipulative queens. They know how to get their way. Your guilt is their most powerful weapon. Your narcissistic mom will guilt-trip you by reminding you of the hardships she faced when she gave birth to you, or what sacrifices she made to make sure you had, what she believes you have – a good and happy life.
Narcissistic mothers are generally female parents who have either narcissistic personality disorders or pathological narcissist characteristics. She can be abusive, neglectful, or controlling to her children. They are toxic, disordered, and malignant mothers. In some ways, they are very different from other mothers. They lack empathy and have a limited capacity to recognize the feelings and needs of others. Their adult children often become either a narcissist or a victim of one.
- Narcissistic mothers will do whatever it takes to satisfy their own needs, regardless of the consequences for others.
- She sees her children as objects that she can use to fulfill her needs, just like any other objects she might buy or collect. They are not people to her, and they certainly aren’t equals to her.
- She wants her children to meet her emotional needs, not the other way around. It doesn’t matter if her children want the exact same thing.
- Her children are not individuals with feelings or needs; they are extensions from her. They are there to make her feel good and happy about herself. They may be loved by her, but she only “loves” them in the sense that they serve her best interests. Their existence is not independent of her own, and their future cannot be separate from hers.
- Children quickly learn that their primary role is to fulfill their mother’s desires and needs, and that they are only extensions of her. Many children grow up to be adults who struggle with making decisions and pursuing their goals because they were taught to consider the feelings of others rather than their own.
Can Narcissistic Mothers Change?
Narcissistic mothers are unlikely to overcome their narcissistic personality disorder. They have a need for power, admiration, control and other traits that can lead to narcissism such as arrogance, lack empathy, entitlement, and insecurity. You’ll know that a narcissistic mom is unlikely to be able to make real and lasting positive changes. So, if you wonder how to deal with a narcissistic mother, we also got you covered in one of our articles.
Signs You’ve been Raised by a Narcissistic Mother
You were most likely to have been subject to emotional abuse if you were raised by an egotistical mother. If this is the case you will be able to recognize the signs of a narcissistic mom.
- Sometimes she loves you. Other times, she chose someone else to be her golden baby. Narcissist mothers will often lavish praise and affection on their children, only to then withdraw it from them when they fail to live up to their expectations.
- A narcissist’s child can be hurt in many ways by the expectations and manipulations he or she places on him/her.
- It is possible to feel guilty about not meeting your expectations, or to rely on your parent for acceptance and approval. These individuals should seek therapy to learn how to deal with their emotions and move on.
- Narcissistic mothers have a tendency to see their children as depressed and low self-esteem. They are more likely to become narcissists.
- Find out what it means for a child with narcissistic parents to self-identify.
What These Mothers Say
Although you may believe your parents love and care for you, they might not. Narcissistic mothers can be hurtful and insensitive because they are narcissists. They even consider your feelings. They are selfish and only care about their own needs and desires.
Narcissistic mothers are insensitive and hurtful because they are narcissists. They are selfish and only care about their own needs and desires. Unfortunately, many narcissistic mothers manipulate their children to satisfy their needs. They resort to guilt trips to get what you want, which is a shame because children should be free to rely on their parents for unconditional love.
When You’ve Made A Choice That Narcissistic Mothers Don’t Agree With
- I was only hurt by your actions!
- You’re so ungrateful.
- Never stop thinking.
- You are so selfish!
- This will never work.
When You’re Upset Or Crying About Something
- Get over it.
- You’re so dramatic.
- You’ll find something to cry about.
- I said so.
- Why is it that you feel more affected than others?
- These are your choices.
When You Attempt To Confront Them About Anything
- What’s wrong with you? You are making too much of everything.
- It was not my intention.
- I don’t care.
When You Have Proved Them Wrong Or Have A Different Opinion Than They Do
- You think you are so smart!
- I don’t know what you are talking about.
- Who said that? You are so gullible, you don’t believe anything people say.
When You Question Their Authority
- You won’t dare to look at me that way.
- Before I make you do it, get that look off of your face.
- What do you think you’re like?
- How DARE you question me?
When Narcissistic Mothers Guilt-Trip You
- You are the reason my father and mine divorced.
- Only you care about yourself.
- You are my life!
- This is because I gave my life for you.
- You are the only person who can truly love me.
- You’re ungrateful.
When They Are Tearing You Down And Devaluing You
- You made a mistake. You are the reason everything in my life is wrong.
- You are just like (insert horrible person here).
- You won’t ever be able to do anything. I don’t know who your child is.
- You are so shameful. You should be ashamed.
- You will never be loved by anyone. You will never be loved by anyone.
- You are worthless
- You’re immature.
- You don’t deserve happiness.
- Wait until your father comes home.
- It’s a shame that you don’t have friends. People would be more interested in you if you were (something).
- Everyone else agrees that you’re horrible/lazy/stupid/otherwise unsavory.
When They Are Jealous Of You
- You are such a PollyAnna! Always wearing your rose-colored glasses!
- You think you are so beautiful/smart/good.
- You are a rude term and trying to get attention.
- You are a rude term to men, and girls like you for it.
- People used to always tell me that I was beautiful.
- You are ugly from the inside.
When Narcissistic Mothers Are Issuing Backhanded Compliments
- You are so intelligent, but you lack common sense
- It would be so beautiful if you lost just a few pounds
- Your house is spotless! It’s no wonder that your two-year old can’t read.
- It is beautiful! This dress would look amazing on your sister.
- Your accomplishment is amazing.
When They Are Having Delusions Of Grandeur
- I’m not capable of lying! I don’t believe you can accuse me of lying!
- Everybody wishes they had a mother like me.
- Calm down! You’re being irrational!
- It’s a mystery to me how you were born.
- It’s unbelievable that you are not good at (something). Because you are MY child, you should be able to succeed at (something).