Raising a child without a dad around is a tough job for any woman. A single mom has to deal with being the breadwinner, role model, provider and emotional comforter all at once. Any single mother out there will tell you how difficult this task is – although some end up scaling through, giving their child everything he or she needs, the void remains and it is a void that can be difficult to fill even when the luxuries of life are present.

There are a couple of things you can do to ensure your child grows into a confident young man when his father is not around.

1. Role Models

When the biological father is not around, the next best thing will be to find a father figure the boy can look up to. This is quite important for kids. Having both sexes around a child as he or she grows is important for well he will grow. A boy needs lots of role models but ultimately,

his number one model will still his mom. Your attitude and mood can also affect your child as he grows up, so you have to watch how you behave around your child. you will have to suck up your emotions and frustrations and learn to put up a positive front at all times. The last thing you want is to make your child start wishing his daddy was around. To maintain a balanced front, take time out on a regular basis to visit the spa or for yoga meditation so you can keep that positive outlook.

2. Set Limits

Don’t spoil your son because you feel the need to compensate due to the absence of his dad. Every child needs structure and limits to know what to do and not do. Teach your kid the rules of the house and let them know the expectations you have. Discipline and other consequences for bad behavior should be consistent for teaching them how to behave and respect others.Children can be raised poorly too if they have both parents around. It’s not about the presence or absence of either one of the parents but more about how the child is treated in the home – this will determine whether the child will succeed or fail in future.

3. Family Time

Spend time to be with your son. Take him out, invite his friends. Do stuff together. Most kids are not picky about what you do with them as long as you take time out to be with them Remember you don’t need to have a father to enjoy a go-kart race with your friends. Prioritize your son’s time and make sure you sit and talk with him often. He will probably be glad to see you pitch with him often more than you know. He might be faster than you but that’s expected from boys. Spend time and have fun with your son. The little moments mean a lot to kids and they will be fun for your as well.

4. Show Love

As you spend more time cleaning your son’s room, helping him with his assignments or picking up his toys from the living room, it is normal to forget to tell him how much he means to you and how much you love him.

You could feel exhausted from time to time and that’s ok but you should always try to show unconditional love to your child even when he makes mistakes. Young boys need praise a lot. it’s a confidence booster and it goes a lot deeper than you can imagine. If you’re raising him on your own, try to see things from his own perspective and support him always so he feels a sense of security around you.

Challenges Faced for Single Mothers

With all of these points, there are still challenges that single parents face from time to time.

Raising a child is quite difficult and without a father around to support, it becomes even more difficult. Being a single mom adds its own pressure and fatigue to your lifestyle as the stakes are higher. If you’re too tired to be supportive emotionally and physically for your child, certain emotions may arise which will lead to behavioral changes.

Another challenge that you might face will be on income. As most single-parent families generally tend to have lower incomes and a reduced access to health care. Juggling work and childcare could be difficult and financially straining.

What you can do to reduce the stress in your family is to show love to your child and give him support. Set aside time each day to play, read or sing with your child. Create a routine and never break away from it. if you work at a full-time job and need regular child care, you can hire a babysitter who will continue to provide for your child while you’re away at work trying to make ends meet. If you have older kids, don’t rely on them to watch their junior as this is a recipe for disaster. Hire a professional caregiver and set the limits. Let them know the house rules and expectations that you desire from them. You also have to speak to your child about showing respect to the caregiver and discipline. You can also reduce your child’s screen time when they grow up and show certain traits of accepting more responsibility.

Setting out to find a reliable babysitter is often difficult but when you do find a good one, you will feel a burden lifted off you.

Today, we will look at some tips that you can use to find a reliable babysitter for your kids.

1. Personal recommendations.

One fast way of finding a reliable babysitter is by asking from friends and families. Recommendations go a long way in solving problems like this. The reason is that you want someone that has been used in the past and that delivered. You can also enquire from colleagues and yoga pals which sitters they have used or which one they would recommend. a sitter being recommended doesn’t mean the sitter will be the right candidate for your family as families differ in structure and needs but you do want to get qualified leads into the door that have been vetted by other people. A good example, you might feel nervous about having a 20-year old care for your baby while another family might be totally cool with it. So, ask questions about the sitter to know what they are all about before you even call them and don’t feel pressured to hire anyone just because they were recommended.

2. Organizations you trust

There are some reliable organizations all across the city where you live and even on the internet that you can use. Moms on the Bumps is one organization with message boards for where you can get advice. Some people hire their babysitters from their place of worship because these people would have been vetted and trained plus your child already knows them well and will be comfortable with them if they do get hired.

3. Websites and Agencies

If you still can’t find someone that you are comfortable with, you can check out sitter websites and agencies such as care.com or sittercity.com to find picks that will suit your needs. These websites and agencies also provide the experiences of each sitter and the type of children they have worked with in the past. These websites run background checks but it’s often basic. If you want to hire a sitter whose background has been properly vetted, you might want to look at a local nanny agency doing the work for you.

Will they be a Good Sitter?

once you’ve found some leads and are ready to interview them to know who will be suitable for your needs, there are a couple of questions that you should ask them which will reveal the things listed below to know if the sitter will be a good or terrible hire.

1. They come with good references. Your child’s safety should not be negotiated. Your sitter should have references and their references should be people you can reach over the phone and not just on the email. Call them up and ask about the service and claims the babysitter made.
2. Well trained

Did they get training before starting or during their career as a babysitter? Anyone with special skills like CPR and first aid is a bonus for you. This ensures your baby is in safe hands especially in times of an emergency.If you do find one that you like without these extra skills, you could suggest they take a class or better still, hire them and pay for the classes or offer higher rates if they can take the classes before starting with you.

3. Time Conscious

When you call them for the interview – when did they show up? You want a babysitter who shows up on time. If they can’t even show up on time at the first meeting, how are you sure they will show up when you have to go on a date? Lateness could mean anything but oftentimes, it is a sign of irresponsibility.

4. Interaction

Monitor how they relate to your child. Let them spend more than a minute with your baby before you hire them. You should pay for this as well. Ask them to come around for a short session where they will observe and interact with your baby. This way you can monitor how your baby interacts with them. This also allows the child to get used to the new person the next time they come visiting. She should be able to reach out and engage with your child – this is where your intuition needs to be on fire for you to decide if they are worth hiring for a full-time or they should be dismissed.

5. Your Child

If your child is old enough, ask him how he felt about the sitter. Ask about what happened, how they felt when this occurred, what they thought about the new person etc. Of course, asking if they love the new person that will be taking care of them when mommy is not around, will not bring a positive response. But, question them so you can get an insight into how the sitter spent their time with your kids.

Payment

Once you are settled with the sitter, you will need to decide on the amount to pay them. The typical rate varies from $10-$15 an hour, with $10 being for a student who is trying to make extra income and $15 for a professional with the right references and skills for the job. These prices are not cast in stone though, as they vary from location, experience, and your budget.

Expectation

Before the sitter starts, be sure you lay out some ground rules on do’s and donts. These could include anything from bringing in guests to your home or texting on the job. It’s your child and your house plus you’re paying them for their time, so lay out the ground rules for them.

Getting back into the dating game after divorce or the loss of a partner can be extremely challenging especially when children are involved. Sometimes, you might even feel it’s impossible or even embarrassing. But you have needs too and dating shouldn’t be the preserve of women without kids.

We all deserve love or at least the possibility of getting love. Dating as a single mom is like searching for a second chance – you never know if you would get it if you don’t try. Don’t forget why you want to date – happiness. Everyone deserves to be happy – your kids will want you to be happy as well.

That being said, the decision to go back into the dating game should not be taken lightly. There are a couple of adjustments you need to make when dating as a single mother. These things are necessary if you want to have a successful relationship while still retaining the trust and love of your kids.

This short guide will help you prepare for dating as a single mother.

1. Emotional Availability

Before considering dating as a single mum, you need to ask yourself if you are emotionally available. It’s important you know if you’re ready mentally and physically before jumping into the dating pool. You should not go into a new relationship as a form of grieving or as rebound. Yes, it might take awhile to get over your marriage or the loss of a spouse but you should only consider dating someone else when you’re ready. No one can determine when you’re ready for you except yourself. It could take months or even years, but no matter how long it takes, you need to decide when you want to try dating again.

2. Time

Thinking about yourself is critical when you’re about going into a relationship and it is sometimes, normal to forget about the other person. Someone else’s feeling is involved as well and it takes two to tango. You don’t want to get into a relationship with someone by making them excited only for them to find out you don’t have the time to be with them or follow through. Even if you’re busy, not having the time to check up or say hi could be a big let down for even the most patient of men.

3. Desire

Here, you need to ask yourself what you’re looking for. are you searching for Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now? Do you want someone who is totally different or you want someone like your ex-husband? Sometimes, single mothers who lost their spouse to a sickness or an accident could go into dating hoping to replicate their old spouse. This is a recipe for disaster as there are no two people who are alike. However, if your marriage failed due to a divorce, you would definitely be looking for someone who is totally different from your ex-husband. Either way, you could look at your failed marriage as either a traumatic loss or a substantial learning experience that you can learn from.

Now you have a better experience of the kind of person that will be suitable for you going forward and the ones that are toxic to you. Also, you shouldn’t just think of things you wished were different with your last marriage, you should also think of new ways you can make things work. Getting answers to questions like this means you have to take responsibility and own up to your mistakes.

All these new knowledge needs to be used to build your next relationship. You need to figure out how you can change these details about yourself and how to enter a new relationship with a clean slate.

Dating will be different

When you’re a single mom, dating will be different for you. You won’t just be looking for a guy that is suitable for you but you will also be looking for a guy that is suitable for your family. This means he needs to be able to handle your kids and your kids need to accept him. His morals need to be similar to yours and he needs to step up as a father figure for your kids as well.

A potential suitor should also be comfortable with knowing that you are bound to another person for life since you share kids with them. If they can’t respect that or have reservations, you should let them go as there is bound to be problems in the future. If he is possessive at the early stage, that’s your red flag.

Everything you do once you start dating will be reflected on your kids. Even casual dating or one-night stands will not feel the same and sometimes, you might feel you’re cheating on your kids especially when you’re making out in your home when they are in school with their toys sitting around the house. What you need to remember at this stage is that apart from being a great mother, you have to be a human being as well.

Remember that dating a guy as a single mother means you’ve managed to get your pieces together. You’re no longer confused – now you know what you want because you’ve been there. You’re searching for someone to fit into the life you’ve built. Your desires are more specific than when you were single without kids. Also, you have the opportunity to start afresh. You will also learn how your kids welcome or cannot welcome a new person into their lives and if they prove to be stubborn, remember that they are only worried about what it might mean for their relationship with you. It doesn’t mean they hate you. It only means they are scared.

Dating as a single mother should not’ be as scary as it is being made out to be as long as you follow the rules and carry your kids along at every step of the way – you’ll be fine.