Last Updated on August 11, 2023 by Lori Pace
If your partner and his/her ex are able to co-parent with respect, you may be lucky. But, if your partner is having some unhealthy boundaries with your ex-wife, it’s possible to feel uncomfortable with their behavior. Co-parenting Boundaries are crucial for maintaining healthy relationships, particularly between exes. Boundaries also communicate to others what you’re comfortable with and how you expect to be treated.
How do you draw the line between two people? A couple that has been intimately involved in a relationship, such as a marriage, children, finances, or other personal matters, is a good example. Stepmoms can find it difficult to be strong, have a healthy relationship with your partner, and bond with your children. It can be difficult to assert yourself between your ex-wife or partner, while still feeling like a third wheel.
Unhealthy Boundaries Examples: Blurring The Lines With The Ex-wife
It is a sad fact that at one time your ex and your partner shared a spark. You may feel uncomfortable or insecure about your ex-partner’s interactions, regardless of their relationship. It’s perfectly okay to be uncomfortable. However, it is important to examine your responses and understand where they came from. Talk to your partner about these issues.
Although the ex-wife maybe someone they used to love, it is still you who they are closest to. You have the right to express your feelings, boundaries, and expectations. First, ask yourself: “Would this behavior be acceptable between my partner, and another woman, who wasn’t my ex-wife?”
You may feel insecure about your ex-partner’s relationship. This is perfectly normal, especially if your partner and you are committed to each other. Talk to your partner to discuss setting healthy boundaries with your ex-wife.
Unhealthy Boundaries Examples: Confiding With The Ex-wife
It’s not possible to be friends with all our ex-partners. However, sometimes it can lead to difficult situations. It is possible to be on good terms with your ex, even if it is difficult, especially if you have children involved.
These issues may arise even if your ex and partner are still friends or very close. You might find that your ex-wife is the first person you turn to when there are problems in your relationship. This is one of the most common examples of unhealthy boundaries I hear from my clients.
Your partner should talk to you, or chat with a qualified counselor or coach if they are having trouble understanding. Talking to someone who is unsure, biased, or unable to give sound advice like their ex, is not a good idea.
You have the right to ask your partner to not discuss your problems, joys, and secrets with your ex.
Lumping you with the Ex along with their Responsibilities
Stepmoms are likely to be involved in the children’s lives and family dynamics. If not 100%, at least you are more involved than a girlfriend or boyfriend of a divorcée with no children. But that doesn’t automatically mean you’re responsible for the same things your stepchild’s parents are.
You have complete freedom to decide and define what you feel comfortable doing in regard to childcare. Your stepchild is not your parent, so you are not automatically responsible for their care, financial costs, or welfare. This responsibility lies first and foremost with your partner and their ex.
You should not be a pack horse. Do you feel like you are being forced to do things without your permission or approval? Your partner should respect you and your boundaries and not expect you to do more than you are capable of.
Allowing The Ex To Bad Mouth You
Bad-mouthing can have a negative impact on our relationships, particularly with children who might be influenced by this behavior. It is important that your ex-wife and partner, after their divorce, set clear boundaries regarding what they say to you or about you, especially in front of children.
This may not be an issue for everyone, but it is something that should be addressed immediately if it does occur. Keep calm and keep your cool, and avoid getting drawn into drama, emotional attacks, or mud-slinging matches.
Letting The Ex Dictate Your Schedule
A less obvious unhealthy boundary is when your ex dictates your schedule. Maybe she leaves the children at home at the last minute or is always late or early. Or maybe she doesn’t give you enough time to plan ahead. Maybe she refuses to follow your plans. Are you constantly requiring your partner to accommodate your schedule more than hers?
It doesn’t matter what, it might be time for you to set healthy boundaries. It can be difficult to manage your own schedule. You can’t afford to let your ex make unreasonable demands and push your plans to the side. It’s time for you to get your life back.