After a divorce or breakup, many of us single mothers don’t know which way to turn. We have feelings of resentment and hurt. We feel deep pain, disappointment, and even loss.
It may feel as though a family member died, and although we would like nothing more than to lie in bed and watch as the world goes by, we are still moms that have to stay reliable for our children.
My Experience Getting Over a Divorce
When I got divorced, I had no tools to guide me and felt so lost and ashamed. I jumped right into a relationship. It started a pattern of going from relationship to relationship for not being alone. However, with different men coming into my home, I subjected my children to a few guys that didn’t last. Men they got used to today and were gone tomorrow.
It made for a poor example of healthy relationships for my children – but more than that, I was masking the pain caused by my divorce. I never allowed myself to get over the relationship, and I had no idea how to figure out who I was now that the relationship was over. I knew something had to change.
But, it can be very lonely as a single mother.
We all desire to feel loved and have companionship – but at what expense? Must I show my children how a healthy relationship looks? Can I still teach my children, especially my daughters, that we need to respect ourselves enough to take time to heal?
Of course, and that’s what I had to do.
I started taking time to heal, working on myself, and focusing on my kids, who needed me.
The following tips are how I started getting over my divorce. Maybe it can help you:
Allow Yourself to Heal
After getting out of a long relationship or divorce, you need to take the time to be alone. Allow yourself to “get over” what was and allow yourself to mourn the relationship or marriage. Just think, no one goes into a marriage believing that one day they will get divorced.
All of your dreams and hopes you had with your ex are now a thing of the past, and no matter how long you were together, you need time to heal. The same goes if you were in a relationship. You must allow yourself to heal!
It is also imperative that you work through your feelings. What you don’t want to do is go into the next relationship carrying baggage and hurt feelings with you.
You have to let yourself feel and let go of all of the anger, resentment, trust issues, and pain. Nothing is worse than going into a new relationship with trust issues and anger. It will never work.
See a Therapist
Sometimes it is a good idea to see a therapist after a divorce or breakup. It helps to speak to someone unbiased.
We often jump from relationship to relationship to mask our feelings and pain. Some women turn to someone else’s arms to feel the love that they are no longer receiving from a man or because they want to feel valued as a woman and not just a mom.
By talking to a therapist, you can work through those issues, and if you are feeling a loss of self-confidence or rejection, a therapist would be perfect.
Remember, seeing a therapist doesn’t mean that you are crazy or on the verge of a breakdown. It merely means that you want to remain healthy and get to a better place.
You have to realize that when you jump from relationship to relationship, you are not giving yourself time to heal, and sometimes we need to take a moment to get to know ourselves again.
- Can I go to a movie alone or take myself out to lunch?
- Do I always need to have someone with me? Can I be alone?
- What do I enjoy doing? Who was I before the breakup or divorce?
When you became a couple, you may have given up many things that you enjoyed doing when you were single. Start by investing in some self-care and make a list of what you used to enjoy and start doing them again.
By reinvesting time in yourself and spending time reinventing who you are today, you can get on track to finding yourself again because you not only owe it to your children but to yourself as well.