Last Updated on January 24, 2024 by Lori Pace
Do you remember moments when you doubted yourself in just about every situation? Do you ever worry about saying or doing something wrong, and risk losing important people? Perhaps there is one thing that can lead to a bad outcome in your relationship. Even the most secure people can feel insecure or doubtful about their relationships or themselves. It can be a great way to feel more secure and heard, especially when we are most in need. Here are some ways to find reassurance in a relationship and their impacts.
What Is Reassurance In A Relationship?
In Therapy
Reassurance in therapy is essentially a support technique that encourages someone to examine their feelings and relationships. This allows anxious thoughts to decrease. Therapists use this tool to help their clients see that the emotions and experiences they have are normal and acceptable. What about outside therapy?
Outside Therapy
Reassurance can be similar or different outside of therapy. Reassurance in a romantic relationship can be extremely powerful when it comes to helping a partner feel heard and understood about their worries. This can help to create a sense that there is no need to worry and can also provide empathy and understanding.
Is it Normal to Ask for Reassurance In A Relationship?
We all have experienced doubts and questions at one time or another. Being able to trust our partners and get reassurance is courageous and powerful. It allows us to share our vulnerability with one another and allow for positive interaction and validation.
We can also freely express our feelings with our partners. People love to hear that their partners value and love them, especially in times of doubt. However, sometimes too much reassurance can lead to a breakdown in the relationship.
In any relationship, it is common to need some assurance. A few words of comfort can feel quite natural and good. They might also be expected from everyone occasionally. However, there may be more underneath the surface if you are constantly looking for it.
Why Do I Need Constant Reassurance In A Relationship?
The need to reassure can be seen through the lenses of attachment theory by Mary Ainsworth & John Bowlby. Attachment theory is a concept that focuses on the belief that our first relationships with caregivers set an expectation about how we will view all other relationships later in life.
The Attachment Styles
Secure
Individuals have learned from their relationships with caregivers that they can trust and can be relied upon.
Avoidant
When people learn to trust others, it is called “learn”. This happens because caregivers are often unresponsive or critical of what we say.
Anxiety
This is when there are inconsistencies in parenting styles. For example, mixed signals of support or care that then switch to disengagement or distance. It has been suggested that this can lead to anxiety about our relationships. We seek out reassurance in order to feel at ease.
Anxious-Avoidant
A combination of anxious and avoidant styles. We seek out affection in the relationship, as well as reassurance. However, we also resist developing close relationships.
Ways to Manage Seeking Reassurance In A Relationship
It is fine to feel reassured in a relationship. However, it is important to know when too much is acceptable. While this will vary from one relationship to another, it is important to recognize our patterns and behaviors so that we can actively reduce the need for others to comfort us. We can take control of our reactions by understanding the root causes of our relationship anxiety.
Strategies to Consider:
Breathe
Slow and steady breathing is a way to practice mindfulness in everyday life. It can help you become more aware of your body and the present moment. Mindful breathing can reduce anxiety and emotional reactivity, as well as stress. You can use the square breathing technique mentioned in our previous articles to help you take a step back and bring your attention to yourself, as well as calm down from worrying about what ifs.
Self-Soothing
This is a strategy that you can use when you feel overwhelmed or anxious. There are many methods to self-soothe. Engaging your five senses slowly is one way to take in the moment around you. Focus on yourself and what your senses allow you to see.
Self-Care is essential
Self-care is an important step towards self-love, confidence and self-esteem. It can help you to reduce your dependence on others, especially our partners, to alleviate anxiety.
Relax and Reassure yourself
If you are unsure about what you need from your partner, it might be a good idea to think about the reassurances you would like to receive for yourself. You might find words you need from others, such as “Things will be okay” or “We’re good.” It is important that your partner gives you reassurance about your relationship. However, you are also part of it. It stands to reason that you should also be able to provide this reassurance for your partner.
