Last Updated on September 12, 2023 by Lori Pace
There are many questions you may have when starting over as a single mom, such as: How can I make a living supporting my family with income from nowhere? What about childcare arrangements? With all the uncertainty and overwhelm that I feel, how can I be the best for my family? Will dawn you as you start over as a single mother.
You’ll ask yourself if you’re capable of doing this. Already thinking about how you can figure out your financial future or get on the right track? You thought you’d feel better but why are you feeling so awful? And although you knew it was a good thing to get out of your current situation, it was still very uncomfortable.
What You Need To Know When Starting Over As A Single Mom
Getting Comfortable With The Uncomfortable
It was hard to hate because it was something you’re already experiencing. Comfort was what you wanted, but now you don’t know. It is not easy to transition from being a single mom without some upheaval. It will be difficult for a while as you’re-associate everything with your new normal. What can you do now?
Change your perspective and take control of this wonderful adventure. Discomfort is often just a way to bring attention to a muscle you haven’t used in a while or never used. You will feel sore muscles if you go to the gym for an hour after having not exercised in years, or ever. What happens if we keep going? It is built. You are more than capable. You’re stronger and more empowered.
This may seem like a superficial deal to many. It’s not. This is the first. You are the one who holds up the universe. You are the foundation. What happens to everything that is built on an unstable foundation, it all comes crashing down. You want to build the strongest and most magical foundation possible. This is why you need to take care of the ringmaster.
I’m not referring to luxurious bath bombs, pedicures, and binging on tv, though they may be useful. I am talking about structure and how to feel good.
Create A Morning & Night Routine
Start to envision your ideal day and night and start to implement it. You won’t be able to implement the plan next month if you have it perfected.
- What can you do for your success?
- How can you make the transition to the next day easier?
- Are there any things you should eliminate?
- Where should you begin?
- How do you calm down?
These routines can be created for your children, and you will see how they grow into empowering automation.
Have A Me Time While Starting Over As A Single Mom
It is not easy to create routines, but it is important to make sure you have some me-time every day. You don’t need to do something grandiose. This can be as simple as five minutes of meditation, journaling, or unplugging to get some fresh air. Whatever it is, prioritize it.
Give Your Boundaries An Overhaul
As a single mother, you have spent most of your life compromising. While this is great, it can also lead to mutual compromise and crossing boundaries. It’s time for us to reexamine this.
Look at the things you’ve been allowing to happen in every aspect of your life. Look at the unhealthy habits you have developed along the way. What would you like to do differently? What would you love to see in your relationships? Establish new boundaries and maintain them.
Find Your Best Stress Relief
Meditation, meditation, weed, yoga and music are all good options. For as long as you can recall, you have identified yourself as a mom, along with many other roles (partner, sister/daughter, friend, employee, etc.). But who are you?
- Create playlists
- Grab personal growth books
- You will find audiobooks and podcasts that resonate with your needs.
- For things that interest you, join online groups
- Find inspiration on Pinterest
Fix Your Mindset When Starting Over As A Single Mom
Here you can transform your discomfort into power. Mindset work can be difficult. It is not easy, but it is simple. It is important to confront the things that keep us from being the best version of ourselves.
Acknowledge What You Can’t Change & Let It Go
We worry so much about things we don’t have control over. It is time to learn how to let go. Your circumstances, how people view you, outcomes that are beyond our control, things we wish we had or situations that we don’t want to be in can all consume you – this is something I have experienced from so many immersive experiences.
The truth is that if we can’t change what it is that we dwell on, we are wasting valuable, delicious energy that could be used to move forward.
Focus On What You Can Change & Make An Action Plan
What’s the best way to let go of all the crap? Take a look at what you can do to change it and get started. When you’ve been through so much, surrender can be very difficult. What would you like to see in your life differently?
- What can you do to respond differently in situations that lead you to the desired outcome?
- Which content (books or podcasts, YouTube videos, etc.) are you able to consume to support your desired mindset?
- What are your views on yourself and your situation that you need to change?
Consider this and make a list of the actions you can take to help you reach your goals as starting over as a single mom requires lots of commitments. You can break it down, then again, until you have steps you can follow each day.
Be Accountable When Starting Over As A Single Mom
This is the most daunting, but we must be accountable for our actions. You don’t have to look back at past events and conclude that it was your fault. Instead, examine your past and present situations and identify any negative behaviors. Then acknowledge the impact of these behaviors on your life and take responsibility for them.
Don’t dwell, don’t regret, don’t feel guilty. Recognize them as they are. Use those moments and behaviors to help you grow. Recognize that there is room for growth and be grateful.
Cultivate Gratitude Daily
You should be grateful for everything, even the difficult stuff. Consider the obstacles as opportunities to learn, and the gaps as learning opportunities. But most importantly, be aware of your progress.
Every day, take the time to reflect on how far you have come, how brave and strong you are, what you’ve learned, how wonderful life is, the perspectives you have gained from the various situations that you’ve faced. You will find beauty in everyday life if you are open to finding it.
Commit To Evolving Daily
Ask yourself these questions every day. “What can I do to improve my life today?” There is always room for improvement, no matter where you are at this point in your life. There are always opportunities to learn and improve. Be passionate about becoming the best version you can be and strive to be a living masterpiece.
Become Family Goals As A Single Mom Starting All Over
You’ve taken good care of your body and are clear about your thoughts, now let’s get to work on your family’s potential.
Set The Standard
Your family dynamics are new and different. Recalibrate your family and establish a standard for safety, strength, love, and stability. It takes a lot of effort to find strength even on bad days. This is not about being strong all the time. It is about turning any weakness they see into an example. This is about perseverance, transparency, and stability.
Although your children shouldn’t be privy to the details of your personal struggles, it is likely that they will see you when you’re having a bad day. They will hear your tears, see it in your eyes, or even see it in your hair. And when they ask, it’s not always about answering “I’m fine”. It’s not about saying, “I’m having an awful day”, or “I’m sorry that you picked up on it, I’m just frustrated.” Be a good listener. Let them know you are excited for tomorrow and how you will self-correct.
The standard is your example of how you process your emotions. The standard for how you pay attention, show love, and are attentive is your example.
Make Some Memories
You can create magical memories in as many situations as you like. Children and their wonderful memories are so easy to maintain. There are important little moments that we forget about and that allow us to connect with our children on an even deeper level. It’s something that you can embrace no matter what.
Create New Family Rituals
Discover new ways to make holidays extra special by creating family rituals. It could be something you make on a specific day, how you decorate for a holiday, or a reward for good grades. It’s all good. It all has meaning.
Be Present As A Single Mom Who Is Starting Over
Your child’s relationship is only as strong as your ability to be present. This is what I mean by stories in “Make Some Memories“. A child’s best friend is their parents. Your best memories will come from understanding their feelings and sharing your favorite things with them.
Create & Improve Your Structure & Discipline Together
Although it sounds strange and ambiguous, establishing a structure and discipline will keep them engaged and help them feel heard.
Structure and discipline does not refer to trouble and timeouts. It’s about taking the time to get them involved in creating their night-time routines. Ask them what they think would make a great night. It could be a story. Meditation for children? Are they making their space more comfortable?
Make a chore chart for your children and spend a lot of time with them. Get them stuff for every point they earn from their chores. There’s also room for bonus points and they get a point for maintaining their chore chart.
Create Your Financial Roadmap When Starting Over As A Single Mom
It doesn’t matter how financially secure you may be, starting a new chapter in your life as a single mother requires a major overhaul of your finances and budget. It is important to define your financial goals and to create a plan to achieve them.
When starting over as a single mom, should set realistic financial goals now and in the future. Look at your situation to determine what the next step is. This is not about a million-dollar goal. It is about looking at your current situation and determining the steps necessary to move up and feel security and stability.
What is the cost of fixing your car? How much will it cost to move from your parents/friends to a house or an apartment? What amount would you spend on groceries? How much do you need to pay for your bills? Add up all the costs and put a price on it.
Be creative with your future goals. Which area would you like to live? What is the cost of the house you desire? What is the cost of a new car? Travel? Your business? Fun?
Assess Debts And Current Needs
This one is a bit icky but you will need to immediately look at what you owe as well as what you need. To sum up all your debts, contact collections or the companies owing you and create an action plan.
Consider what you actually need. Do you require child care or a car? Do you require medical attention? Glasses? Cookware? It’s important to write everything down so that you have a clear idea of what you are looking at. Although it may seem overwhelming, it will help you put things in perspective and make a plan.
Apply For Assistance You Qualify For
Don’t let pride stop you from asking for help. As a single mom who is starting over, will probably be eligible for many benefits when it comes to medical or food benefits. The income allowed is much higher than you might think. Most states allow online applications. You don’t even need to have a job in order to qualify.
Low-income options are available from most energy companies and utilities. This will significantly lower your bill. Other services such as child care, WIC and legal assistance are available. Spend some time searching Google for local help and then join some Facebook groups that are made up of single mothers in your region.
Create A Budget When Starting Over As A Single Mom
Once you have done all the above, you can create a budget that reflects your current income and keeps your financial goals in view.
If you don’t have an income, create a realistic budget for the future. However, if you are working now, make sure you budget enough money to allow you to save some money and pay off your debts. You can always adjust it as you go.
Mind Your Business As Starting Over As A Single Mom Is More Than Enough
You may have been overwhelmed by the gap between your financial goals and your budget when you looked at both your financial goals and your budget. Now is the time to start looking at how and where you can grow your business.
Find Your Passion
You already have one? Great! If not, you should consider identifying your passion. What is your driving force and what would you do to make the world a better place? What are your strengths and what is it that sets you apart? This is important for both this section and the next.
Even if it is only 15 minutes a day, make sure you have time every day to think of ways to bring your passion to life. List all the important things and the little things that will make your passion a reality. What are the next steps? You can find little tasks that you can complete in 30 minutes.
Thinking About Starting Over As A Single Mom? Just Do It!
Now that you have everything on paper, do it! You can create social templates, blog posts, outline products, or graphics. You can schedule it in, make it happen in any sporadic time you have, or multitask with it. Do whatever it takes to make the most progress, whenever you can.
Iron It All Out
It can be chaotic to start something new, or to take something you already have to the next level. Make sure you spend time ironing it all.
As you move forward, there will be more lists and more ideas, as well as more items that need to be completed. This can become overwhelming and chaotic. It is best to put in some effort at the beginning and end of each week to create more order and flow.
Get It Out There and Sharpen Your Skills
Do not let perfectionism stop you from achieving what you want. You can learn new skills and improve your existing ones, whether you are starting a business or scaling it.
List Out All Of Your Strengths & Current Skills
List your strengths and talents, regardless of how you’ve lived. You should make two lists. One list of things you are good at and love, the other one is of things you aren’t good at but don’t necessarily love. The first list will allow you to pinpoint your area of genius and the second list will assist you in prioritizing.
Find Your Gaps When Starting Over As A Single Mom
Take a look at your gaps. What areas do you need to improve? What would you like more information about?
- Are there software or platforms that can help?
- Which beliefs/attitudes are you struggling to accept?
- Take a look at similar brands that are doing things you don’t understand.
- What parenting skills would you like to have?
- Which type of exercise would you choose to help you reach your goals?
- Are you looking for more automation in your home or business?
You don’t have to be disappointed if this is a long list. If it isn’t, I encourage you to increase your efforts on the next one.
Research Tools That Will Support You
Research is key to understanding what you don’t know. Your list should be extensive and should continue to grow as you learn more. You can shadow other businesses to get a better understanding of their business or do internal research and find the answers.
Mind Your Priorities
If you did all of this correctly, you now have a long list. It’s time to prioritize that list.
You could use a few different highlighters, different colored pens or even separate them into separate lists. You’ll organize them according to top priorities, what’s next and what can be done later. This will help you get a clear picture of the tasks you should be implementing in your daily and weekly activities to move you forward.
This will be true in all areas of your life, and that’s great. So next…